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Tue, Sep. 5th, 2006, 03:25 pm
On Invitations

Why, why, why do people say things like “Come on out and don’t be shy!” on invitations? Do they really think that their casual invitation is going to make some shy person somewhere sit up straight and say, “You’re right! All the emotional suffering I’ve experienced over socializing is just silly! I think I’ll come to your party and just not be shy this time!” Or is it addressed to people who once were shy and are in danger of backsliding, an admonitory instruction to attend or risk falling back off the shy-wagon? I can’t imagine that it’s meant to suggest that shy people are not welcome, but that interpretation makes marginally more sense than the other two.

Speaking as a closeted shy person, it’s precisely this sort of thing that lands us at home on Saturday nights, washing our hair, while the rest of you are out doing drugs in the bathtub of a guy named Ray who claims to know your sister. So, for the sake of shy people everywhere, please stop ordering us around … our hair is clean already!

(Yes, tongue is in cheek. But I really do hate that phrase!)