We shouldn't have to be polite and nice to get rights - that's exactly her point! I think I accidentally quoted it out of context, but the original quote was part of a critique of the way women who stand up for themselves and their rights get treated.
The quote's actually part of a terrific essay on rights-based feminism (women should have equal rights) vs. protection-based feminism (women should get special protections) where she talks about how people have historically reacted negatively to rights-based feminism because it's more problematic for traditional sex roles. If you're interested, it's in her book True Love Waits
- not all the essays are equally compelling, but you might want to get it out of the library and just read "Feminism and the Devaluation of Rights."